May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
