My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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