i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
