i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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