Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
