shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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