I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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