thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
