I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
