Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
