brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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