Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
how do flat chested girls get laid?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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