I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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