if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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