I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
