why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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