If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
