R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
