five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
