Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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