You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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