Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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