my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
