how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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