I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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