I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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