bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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