ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
