I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i will never coherently bang her
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
