I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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