You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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