He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
