I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
This house was built for laser tag.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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