Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just high enough for therapy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
