i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
