dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
