She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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