so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
