listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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