sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
