i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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