I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
