some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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