How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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