just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
