so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
