she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
