my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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