Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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