she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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