so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
