so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
