Just fell off a train. Bad.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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