Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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