i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
