i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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