Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
