You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
