So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
