Say something about gay babies.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
