Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
