i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize