Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth

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  (860): He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth http://tfl.nu/3n80
  Replies (54) Good night (614) Bad night (10316)
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  (914): View more from New York

  My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.

  (845): View more from New York

  She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

  (914): View more from New York

  well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

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  (914): My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener. (845): She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn? (914): well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey http://tfl.nu/elol
  Replies (49) Good night (6010) Bad night (842)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.

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  (203): he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs. http://tfl.nu/0b7z
  Replies (18) Good night (5338) Bad night (1209)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.

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  (419): I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem. http://tfl.nu/zh9s
  Replies (29) Good night (1174) Bad night (5844)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you

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  (602): Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you http://tfl.nu/ckem
  Replies (11) Good night (2367) Bad night (658)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".

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  (312): I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards". http://tfl.nu/xpqo
  Replies (6) Good night (2213) Bad night (928)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!

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  (410): That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween! http://tfl.nu/ige5
  Replies (34) Good night (3386) Bad night (1155)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore

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  (775): She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore http://tfl.nu/r45j
  Replies (14) Good night (2740) Bad night (904)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?

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  (940): Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito? http://tfl.nu/3rt4
  Replies (11) Good night (2300) Bad night (504)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".

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  (803): No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional". http://tfl.nu/sdb0
  Replies (3) Good night (1073) Bad night (529)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend

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  (910): I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend http://tfl.nu/p2pa
  Replies (13) Good night (1020) Bad night (423)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed

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  (215): If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed http://tfl.nu/cmm2
  Replies (16) Good night (764) Bad night (1407)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids

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  (435): Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids http://tfl.nu/id5c
  Replies (13) Good night (1109) Bad night (382)
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  (818): View more from California

  Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.

  (818): View more from California

  Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.

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  (818): Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history. (818): Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night. http://tfl.nu/hwf0
  Replies (6) Good night (242) Bad night (1072)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches

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  (570): It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches http://tfl.nu/nnjx
  Replies (0) Good night (650) Bad night (234)

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