Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
barbara walters just said penis...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.