omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
