Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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