I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.