I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this will be a night to untag.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk