As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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