i barfeds in our rink
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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