I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
