Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
