I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
