# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
