My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize