Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
