Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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