you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
