I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can text with my tongue
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
