We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
