Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
