2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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