Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
