Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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