I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
wow bdsm is so cute
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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