I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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