Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
why do cheetos always look like penises
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
