So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
