I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
