I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
