dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
